Hopscotch Blog

A family bucket list is a collection of activities and experiences that you hope your family can accomplish in the near and far future. Creating a family bucket list is an activity that’ll get every member of the family involved and excited. Here’s how to create one with your family!

You can start by gathering every member of the family together and telling them your idea about the bucket list. The younger ones will be excited, but you may hear some moans and groans from the teenagers. That’s OK! Give everyone a pencil and a piece of paper to write on or phones for the older ones.

How to start the conversation:

“I want you to think of all the fun activities and experiences that we’ve had as a family. Now, think about if there are any activities that you’d like to do that we haven’t done yet? No experience is too big or small. You have 15 minutes to list as many ideas as you can. Go!”

Encourage your family to think about things that they’ve always wanted to experience or places they’ve always wanted to visit. Allow them to hop on a phone or tablet to search for ideas. After the 15 minutes is up, reconvene as a family and go over the family bucket list letting each member share their full list. During this activity, you may find out things that you never knew about some of your family members. You’ll learn more about their hopes and dreams, and you’ll also discover the experiences that are meaningful to your children.

Next, work together as a family to compile a master list. Through discussion, some items on the list may need to be readjusted to make them more realistic. Your family may not be able to ride unicorns into outer space, but going horseback riding can definitely be a possibility. When working on your list, identify a timeline for reaching some of these goals. Try to complete the easier ones within the next couple of weeks if possible. Keep the bucket list somewhere that the whole family can see, and revisit it every so often.

A family bucket list is a great way to grow closer with your family as you all contribute to a future of shared positive experiences!

Bucket list ideas for families:

• Go on a roadtrip
• Visit a drive-in movie
• Learn a new language together
• Have a lemonade stand
• Plant a garden
• Go for a hike
• Visit a new park
• Sing karaoke
• Go berry picking
• Go star gazing
• Have a backyard movie night
• Have breakfast in bed
• Go camping
• Horseback riding
• Visit a theme park

Trauma is the emotional response we feel to a distressing event like natural disasters, accidents, abuse and assault, bullying, combat, serious medical illness, mental illness, addiction, attachment loss, and death. Trauma is subjective; something that is traumatizing to me may not be traumatizing to you. How our body responds to trauma can vary based on what feels the safest for us at the time; we may silently wait, run away, hide, or fight to defend and protect.

In most cases, fear and distress will resolve naturally. However, in some instances, the emotional experience may persist long after the traumatic event has passed. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) occurs when triggers bring back memories of the trauma accompanied by intense emotional and physical reactions. PTSD may last months or years following a terrifying event and can affect anyone at any age.

Symptoms of PTSD:

• Heightened anxiety and difficulty relaxing, constantly feeling uneasy and on edge.
• Nightmares of the traumatic event.
• Flashbacks - vivid reliving experiences as if you were in that situation again.
• Hypervigilance or quick startle response to factors that remind you of the trauma. This can include sensitivity to environmental arousal- loud noises, people walking into a room, a phone rings, etc...
• Fear-based thinking and ruminating- when you can’t stop thinking about the trauma.
• Avoidance of external reminders (smells, places, or people that are associated with the trauma.

Trauma does not only include a single event; it can develop over time involving multiple traumatic events. Repeated traumatization can consist of- growing up in an abusive household riddled with substance abuse, domestic violence, poverty, living in a crime-ridden neighborhood, or chronic bullying, and can result in Complex-PTSD. This developmental trauma affects our attachment style, emotion and behavior regulation, cognitive functions, and other executive functions such as planfulness and self-direction. 

Those experiencing C-PTSD can mentally disconnect from the present and may lose track of time and memory. They may be aggressive with poor ability to manage stress and frustration. One of the primary effects of this trauma is poor self-esteem. Large bodies of research demonstrate this trauma style's long-lasting effects on confidence, shame, guilt, body image, and “Integrated sense of self,” leaving youth vulnerable and internally fractured. C-PTSD often manifests in relationships and can hinder identity formation. 

Treatment of PTSD and C-PTSD is ever-growing and one of the most needed areas of research and intervention in our present time. To date, various treatment options exist, including Trauma-Focused- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Narrative Therapy, Schema-Based Therapy, and Attachment Therapy, all of which aim to enhance self-regulation and create a relational bridge to heal soul wounds. The use of psychotropic medications in conjunction with trauma-informed Psychotherapy has resulted in the most effective treatment outcomes. 

If a child in your life needs support, Hopscotch has a variety of trauma-focused therapists that can help them discover skills and improve coping strategies to better respond to reminders and emotions associated with the traumatic event. Visit www.joinhopscotch.com to find a therapist near you.

ADHD - the word on the street with every other Tik Tok video, Facebook ad, commercial on TV, and term you may overhear when sitting on the sideline of any elementary school field.  The term that is less familiar to us is “SPD” or Sensory Processing Disorder.  ADHD stands for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder with two types - Combined Type and Inattentive Type. Here, we will focus on combined type.

As a therapist, I’ve known about ADHD for years, but things started changing when my nearly three year old son began showing signs that sounded my therapist-mom alarm. He was a bright, happy, and highly energetic toddler who would play with an eagerness to learn and interact. He was witty, humorous and caught on to social cues very well. Along with these observations, we noticed that he would walk on his toes, especially when barefoot. He had some trouble with penmanship and also knowing how to effectively use scissors.

There is a spectrum of normal toddler development with many boys who are busy, fun-loving, strong-willed and energetic. I was not seeing any other signs of a developmental problem, although my radar was on high alert. I often said to myself, "This is normal”.  I gave it time and dialed it back, telling myself that this may be his personality, he may grow into better self-control, he may just have tactile preferences like we all do such as the line in our socks that drives us bananas.

So, I waited another year. It was then that we attended a weekly Mommy and Me playgroup. After a few months of attendance his instructor informed me that he was acting intensely in his play; not just play with others but in his own body. He would bang his toys and also throw himself down or into walls because he was running too fast with just too much stimulation. On one occasion he played rough with a playmate, not realizing that he was being too rough. On another occasion, around age two, I had to chase him up and down the beach on a family vacation, all to avoid him throwing himself into the shallow water. It was then that I realized he could not control the energy between his mind and his body.

Around age three he completed a developmental evaluation with results stating that he fell on the impulsive end of the developmental spectrum, but there was not enough criteria for a specific diagnosis given his age. Moving into Kindergarten, all the same signs continued without much guidance.  In First grade, his teacher strongly reinforced that his energy, distractibility, and inattentiveness was affecting his reading development resulting in additional tutorial support. She supported a recommendation to pursue testing for ADHD.  My gut had me telling me this all along, especially knowing that he has a family history of this condition.

Now, my mom-guilt started to set in, and I did what most therapists would tell you to do - reframe it. I focused on  not pathologizing, but taking the time to gain understanding of the issue before drawing conclusions. I focused on education and parent-skill. It was then that his Pediatrician diagnosed Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder- Combined Type.  I wanted a more thorough understanding of his functioning, particularly, his cognitive and academic functioning. I requested a Committee on Special Education review to determine any learning disorders or areas of academic need. The school district was very supportive, also suggesting an Occupational Therapy evaluation through the school district. This evaluation determined that he also met criteria for Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD).

In my years of training and work experience, I was familiar with this condition, but the wealth of knowledge I learned after his diagnoses helped me help him more than anything else. I learned more about the neuroatypical brain and the interconnected relationship between SPD and ADHD.  Most importantly, I learned how important my role was at home; taking what they taught me and helping him apply these skills in his daily life. I also learned that patience, flexibility, and deep breaths were my survivor tools. Without them, I would likely be yelling, angry, and possibly blaming as these children can be very difficult to parent. The zen that I forced myself to find and exercise during this uncharted developmental time was one of the keys to helping him learn more about his own energy and how to use it most effectively. I also learned, that the use of visual aids, marker boards with small lists, and daily reward charts were the most handy tools a parent in my shoes could have.

SPD and ADHD share fundamental symptoms including impulsivity, inappropriate and frequent movement, inappropriate touching and fiddling with things and unawareness when spoken to. But, they are two separate disorders, although difficult to differentiate in young children. There is less talk and recognition of SPD in pop-culture. According to the Center for Disease Control, 11% of children ages 4-17 years in the United States have been diagnosed with ADHD, however the CDC does not track prevalence of SPD. According to sensoryhealth.org a national sample of children suggests that 40% of children with ADHD also have SPD.

The causes of both disorders are not well known. ADHD is considered to be highly hereditary and linked to dysfunction in neurotransmitters whereas recent brain imaging research on SPD determined that children with this condition have abnormal white matter in the rear part of the brain, where the electrical impulses are carried to different regions of the brain. This also occurs in the ADHD brain. They are so similar but different. Because there is a misinformation between important regions of the brain, behaviors and responses are abnormal when looking at the spectrum of child development.

Let's look at the difference between ADHD and SPD:

ADHD is more likely to be the diagnosis if a child presents with:

• Reoccurring impulsivity despite adequate sensory input.
• Seek out activities that are not necessarily related to specific sensations.
• Continues to present as disorganized despite adequate sensory input.
• Can demonstrate patience and self control better with cognitive rather than sensory input.

Improved attention in response to content that is interesting to them. They can become “hyper focused” on the desired content but unable to shift gears, make smooth transitions from one task to the next, and are often forgetful.

SPD is more likely to be the diagnosis if the child:

• Calms and can focus with adequate sensory input
• Becomes more dysregulated during a certain time of day or particular activity
• Sensory sensitivities do not resolve with medication
• Signs of Hyposensitivity such as more forceful, intense stimulation (very loud, very bright, strong tactile stimulation, rough play, spinning)
• Signs of Hypersensitivity with less tolerance to normal sensory input (prefer dim spaces, anxious and overstimulated in loud or crowded environments, sensitivity to certain noises, avoid fast pace movement)

There is no current medication available for SPD with there being a variety of such available for ADHD. The primary treatment for SPD is a combination of Occupational Therapy and Psychotherapy. ADHD is highly treatable with medication. When a child has both conditions most parents and teachers will observe significant functional issues. Therefore a collaborative treatment approach is most beneficial including Pediatrician, mental health providers, Occupational Therapy, and classroom support as needed. Sensory breaks for children with one or both disorders are also recommended.

If you would like more information on ADHD and SPD please consider familiarizing yourself with the following resources:

• Star Institute 
• Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder
• National Institute of Mental Health
• Understood

Resources:

1. https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/adhd/data.html

Parents, I want to be able to wrap up Positive Discipline (PD) in a present with a shiny bow and give it to you. I want you to know that your anger and cries have been heard and I am here to give you the 411 on PD and all it can be. So I want to start with the basics so you can begin retraining your brain to be helpful for you and your family.

One of the first components to understand is that Positive Discipline means to teach or train towards growth. As parents, we have a big responsibility to show our kids how to interact with the world, and that starts with how they interact with us (parents) and themselves. Notice how your child talks to themselves, are they easily discouraged, quick to anger, or struggle with feeling like they have a place in the world? These are all learned beliefs about themselves and their relationship with you.

Now don’t get discouraged just yet because it’s time to learn new tools so you can feel more confident and more love from your children.

I’d like you to imagine a ladder, and you, the parent is at the top. Looking down you see your child. How does it feel for you to look down at your child? Can you tell, from way up there how your child is feeling? What type of parenting can you accomplish from being so far away from your child? What type of communication or bonding can you incorporate from a distance? Now let’s change this up a bit, let’s lay the ladder horizontally, putting you and your child on a similar level. Can you see your child’s eyes or notice their body language?

Allowing yourself to meet your child where they are at is the start of mutual respect. Now what will mutual respect bring? This will open up your child to believing they are contributing to something bigger than themselves. Allowing the parent to invite productivity and motivation. Now all this sounds nice, but how do we do it?

It’s time for your first lesson.

I’d like you to think about all the challenges you have with your child, what they don’t do, how they treat you, their siblings etc. You can either write it down or take a mental note. Now for the second half I’d like you to think about all the characteristics we want our children to have by the time they reach adulthood. You may think that these two lists are complete opposites but this is exactly where we need to start.

Positive Discipline believes that through all challenges there is room for growth. Challenges are actually where we are going to grow the most!

When our child does not follow through on an agreed upon task, responsibility, or mannerism there is room for discipline. Our children will struggle to develop the characteristics we want them to have by adulthood if they cannot learn from their experiences without blame, shame and pain.

So how do I teach my child without blame, shame, or pain?

The next bit I am going to share with you is the base of Positive Discipline. It’s important to understand that children will not want to follow through on rules if they have not been able to be apart of the creation of them. If they learn how to contribute to not only chores but the household environment then they will learn long lasting skills into adulthood.

4 Effective Criteria for Positive Discipline

1. Is it kind and firm at the same time?
2. Does it help children feel and sense of belonging and significance?
3. Is it effective longterm?
4. Does it teach valuable social and life skills for good character?

Now I’d like you to take some time to digest all the information you just read. I’d like you to take a moment to reflect on how you were feeling while reading this. What were you thinking? Did you start carrying a feeling of guilt, anger, confusion, excitement? All are allowed here. Just as you are to try and teach your children without shame and guilt, you need to start with yourself. Another blog will hold more information about the 5 criteria for effective discipline so you can truly start to transform your family.

Disney’s Pixar has been hard at work on creating informative, inclusive, and overall entertaining content. Their newest creation, Turning Red, follows a 13-year-old girl named Meilin or “Mei” growing up in Toronto Canada. Mei’s story invites us to explore her world as she navigates friendships, Chinese culture, and her relationship with her mother and family. Mei has an immense work ethic and is driven by her desire to honor her family, support her friends and be her own authentic self.

As Pixar continues to expand its work, so do the meanings behind its stories. Taking into account the immense layers behind Turning Red, we wanted to focus on the generational relationships Mei has with her mother and Mei’s mother with her mother(Mei’s grandmother). At the beginning of the movie, we can already sense that Mei has a very strong connection and desire to please her mother. Her mother wants Mei to accomplish great things, work hard and
be successful in life. It’s also noted that Mei sometimes feels overwhelmed and left out due to supporting her family's work of up-keeping the temple.

What was your first impression of Mei and her mother? Do you sense similarities between you and your own child? Do you believe that the way you were raised was kind and firm which allowed for flourishing or did you feel confined to appease your parents' wants and desires for you?

Just because that’s how you were raised doesn’t mean it’s how you have to raise your children.  Most parents, like Mei’s mother, raise their children with fear due to not wanting them to fail, be disappointed, or turn into a giant red panda due to a family ancestry lineage. When we parent with the fuel of fear we may miss out on many bonding moments with our children. Mei’s family kept the panda legacy quiet and did not teach the children how to handle their emotions, which results in power struggles, lying, and all sorts of puberty fun.

Mei’s grandmother and aunts come into the picture later in the movie when Mei’s mother struggles to teach Mei how to appropriately use her panda privileges. This results in Mei realizing that all the women in her family have this ability and have also given it up as a way to control the beast inside all of them.

Mei’s grandmother and mother struggle with their relationship which hinders Mei’s understanding of herself and her family heritage. This leads to Mei wanting to keep her red panda as she starts to learn that strong emotions and beliefs are not bad. Mei is able to recognize that her red panda can be an asset and is not an unruly beast. Anger and frustration are not emotions that many families tolerate which leads to shame and resentment, like how Mei’s mother and grandmother are towards each other. Throughout all of this Mei has the support of her friends who continue to value her red panda's secret identity.

During your child’s prepubescent and teenage years, their friends become number one. They tend to latch on to their friends as a way to gain more autonomy and overall explore and express themselves in ways that most parents would not approve of.  Parents, it’s time to stop shaming your child for emotions that need validation, instead share in their frustration. Take a moment to recognize how hard it was for you to grow up in a household that banned anger. Notice that anger is a feeling and aggression or violence tends to happen when we are unable to share our anger in healthy ways. Mei unintentionally hurt a peer due to her panda not being able to regulate.

Next time your child is angry, frustrated, or overall grumpy, give them a hug, make them a snack and listen about their day. Your own worries and insecurities may bleed on to your children which increases their irritability. It is your job as a parent to regulate yourself so that you can teach your child to do the same. Your biggest feat in life is to help your children turn into healthy and happy adults, not robotic, unhappy drones who follow others' commands.  It is your turn to stop the generational parenting styles that have led us to be unable to self-regulate, consistently dissatisfied, and need others' constant approval.  Thank you Red Panda for bringing up otherwise taboo topics about puberty, periods, and  parenting styles that no longer benefit the many.

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At this point, most of us have connected virtually with a service that previously we mainly visited in person.  Our kids have had to transition to online schooling, attend virtual appointments with their pediatrician, and celebrate birthdays over Zoom.  As certain parts of this country continue to reopen, most service-based businesses are going back to in-person interactions. As a caregiver, you may be wondering if telehealth is still a viable option for your child’s mental health needs.

Prior to the pandemic, there were certain services that we believed just couldn’t be replicated virtually, with therapy being one of them.  Over the past couple of years, we’ve started to recognize that there is still an ability to develop a therapeutic relationship and provide effective treatment without the therapist and client being in the same room.  There are platforms that offer the ability to connect with a counselor via video, phone, or text message.  This shows that people in need can still be helped, and care can still be delivered, no matter what the medium.  Many of these services though are catered towards adults.  But what about children?  Is a therapist still going to be able to connect with your child just as effectively as in-person?

Truthfully? Yes and no.  The transition to telehealth with kids has been a challenge for many providers.  In the past, working effectively with children included the ability to interact with them playfully in a shared space.  Many providers working with children had an office full of toys and activities at their disposal to help keep clients engaged in the therapy process.  With all of that taken away, providers have had to be resourceful and resilient as they adapted to telehealth.

Change can force us to be uncomfortable, but it can also bring about great things.  For example, Hopscotch was born out of this need for change.  Recognizing that the child and adolescent space lacked digital counseling games and exercises, our co-founders worked to address this issue and created a robust content library for our providers.  Many clinicians have risen up to the challenge and have adapted the ways in which they engage their clients. There are clinicians who will incorporate online games, puppets, videos, music, and other resources to help their clients remain engaged.  Though the interaction is not face-to-face, there is a level of comfort for the children in being able to conduct sessions in their own space.  Many take pride in being able to bring the provider into their world.  For caregivers, many have recognized that telehealth can be more convenient for the family, especially with the commute to the office taken out of the equation.

While connecting virtually with any service may not naturally be our first option, it doesn’t mean that it can’t be just as effective.  As a society, we’ve worked quickly to close whatever gaps existed between in-person and virtual interactions.  There will always be benefits and drawbacks to both, but what’s important is figuring out what’s best for your family.

To get your child started with telehealth sessions, browse our provider directory by clicking below.