Hopscotch Blog

The human brain grows faster in its first years of life than it does at any later age. As children perceive the world, research shows that their brains make an astounding one million new neural connections per second. The more information children absorb during early childhood, the stronger their ability to learn, process, and retain knowledge in the future.

Music is especially powerful for children’s brains because it sparks a complex wave of brain activity. When it hears music, the brain lights up like a firework, exploding with energy and connectivity. When hearing a song, the brain not only processes musical elements like rhythm and harmony, but also analyzes lyrics, recalls memories, and forms emotional responses. For a child’s growing brain, music is the stimulation jackpot.

The more a child hears music when they are young, the greater their musical sensibility tends to be as they grow. Although musical skill can be innate, research suggests that a child who hears music regularly will likely be drawn to music as an adult. Early exposure to music is also linked to better performance in science, math, reading, and social skills.

Luckily, music is all around us. Hearing a song on the radio, in a shopping mall, or on a television show all contribute to brain development. With a few additional steps, you can make music a meaningful part of your children’s daily experience.

Tips for active music engagement at home:

Use music to help manage moods.

Have you ever been so angry you wanted to scream along to heavy metal? Research shows that this behavior actually reduces anger and increases self-compassion. Listening to mood-matching music helps us feel validated and regulate our emotions. The same is true for children, although if metal music isn’t your child’s jam, something like Taylor Swift’s “Shake It Off” or the “Mission: Impossible” theme song might be a good outlet. As anger subsides, a comforting song like the Beatles’ “Here Comes the Sun” can help reinforce calm feelings.

Make music part of a routine.

When playtime ends, “clean up, clean up, everybody everywhere…” signals a child’s brain to put away toys, and also creates a built-in transitional period. During other transitions, familiar music can ease the process and build routine. For example, listening to a child’s favorite song each night after dinner may help prepare them for the transition to bedtime.

Encourage movement and dancing.

Even infants smile, clap, and bounce along to familiar tunes. Movement is innate and tends to help us feel calm, grounded, and self-aware. Encouraging a child’s natural movements can help promote mindfulness and feelings of security. Songs like “If you’re happy and you know it,” and “Head, shoulders, knees, and toes” have built-in opportunities for movement. As they get older, children may prefer to dance, do gymnastics, exercise, or engage other forms of movement. Music enhances body awareness, coordination, and overall physical health, while also contributing to the development of fine and gross motor skills.

Notice your child’s musical interests and musical expression.

Ask children about their favorite song, musician, or a past musical experience. Pay attention to their facial expression and body language when you turn on a certain song. You can ask whether a particular tune makes them feel a certain way. Whether or not you consider yourself “musical,” opening a conversation about music can help children become more aware of their own feelings about songs while fostering connection between you and your child.

Make music a group activity. 

When children play music together, they have opportunities for leadership, turn-taking, and impulse control. In addition, research shows that people who sing or make music as a group tend to have high levels of happiness, empathy, and belonging. Having a few egg shakers, maracas, or tambourines around the house might encourage music-making among siblings or during playdates. Playing music together can unlock children’s self-expression and help build lasting relationships.

Music has been clinically proven to enrich the growth of young minds. Through a few simple steps, you can weave music into your children’s lives and encourage their natural musicality. As the children’s author Hans Christian Andersen wrote, “where words fail, music speaks.” So, let’s embrace the power of music to help children express themselves, connect with others, and develop strong brains. After all, without music, life would B Flat!

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Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) emphasizes the use of Distress Tolerance Skills; those that help us regulate our emotions, thoughts and ideally find ourselves somewhere in the middle in effort to balance our decisions. Distress tolerance means we find a way to accept and cope with difficult emotions, thoughts and situations that typically have us feeling overwhelmed, sometimes even hopeless. How can our senses help us do that?!

For a minute, let's pay attention to our sophisticated sensory system. Essentially, this system is a relationship between our brain and our body which alerts us to all sorts of stimulation that cues us into our environment. Commonly recognized sensory systems include touch, taste, sound, smell and sight. Now, take it one step further- sensory processing means that our brain is making sense of our sensory input to help us organize, understand and respond to stimulation.

Difficult situations tend to produce negative emotions including anxiety, sadness, and anger. At times, we may experience heightened distress in loud, chaotic environments such as cafeterias, school hallways, or large classrooms. In such events we find ourselves highly sensitive to this auditory and visual stimulation. When we are angry we tend to feel a surge of frustration, tension in our body, and may clench our fists, feel the urge to throw something or lash out.

The goal of the coping strategy commonly known as “The Five Senses” can reduce stress and help us relax in any environment. What is even more interesting is that we can engage one sense to counteract or calm another. For example, if you are feeling anxious and over-stimulated in the noisy cafeteria, you can take a quick walk down a quiet hallway and practice “sight”- read all of the signs you can see in this hallway or focus on a mind-game and look for all the exit signs you can find.

By entering a quiet space and focusing on reading the material you have allowed that noisy, overcrowded part of your brain to chill-out!! Funny enough, our brains can do a lot but it just can’t do two things at this exact same time- meaning you can’t think about your anxiety when you are walking and reading the signs that you see!! This should allow your anxiety time to take a back seat, calm itself down, while you sit in the driver seat or your body. 

Here are some helpful self-soothing sensory strategies. Give them a whirl! 

Sight

• Photos of loved ones, pets, or something you find beautiful
• A movie, video or your favorite book or magazine
• Go outside, look up at the clouds, look at the trees, look at the landscape
• Kaleidoscope

Touch

• Brush your hair
• Put on soft, comfy clothing
• Heat Therapy- heated blanket or heating pad, hot shower or bath
• Fidget toys, stress ball, or bean bag
• Scribble 
• Play doh or silly putty
• Rip up sheets of paper
• Hold ice
• Hug someone you love, this includes pets

Smell

• Scented candles
• Lotion
• Cotton ball dipped in essential oil
• Go outside and study what you smell- grass, rain, leaves, flowers

Sound

• Favorite playlist, make one just for this exercise!
• Go outside, what do you hear? Birds, cars, lawnmower, really zone in on it
• Play an instrument
• Audio books

Taste

• Hard or chewy candy
• Chewing gum
• Your favorite snack
• Anything with crunch- carrot or celery sticks, pretzels
  

Experiment with your senses. This can be fun and relaxing. Consider creating your sensory tool box with all of your favorite sensory items. You can carry this in your backpack or purse. Now, go make sense of your senses!

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What does celebrating women look like?  Well, it starts with asking them how they feel celebrated. So, I went around and spoke to the women in my life and asked them that exact question!

Every woman is unique which creates such a beautiful collage of needs and wants.  My mother feels celebrated by having help around the house and jetting off to new destinations. Some of my friends enjoy jewelry, clothes, or Nintendo games. My coworkers look for random bouquets of flowers or a simple walk during the sunset.  Neighbors would like to be able to spend hours decorating their home. Within my own little bubble women are still so different. We may live in the same area or work at the same place but when it comes to what helps us feel celebrated we could not be more different.

Life can be full of chaos which leads us to forget to celebrate ourselves and one another. There are women who are in history books or behind the scenes in creating change, there are women who are raising children, breaking the glass ceiling, and hiking ruthless mountains. We are worth celebrating.

Encourage conversation about self-worth and motivation. Support your sisters, coworkers, family members to follow their dreams despite the norm. Take time to push yourself towards the unknown as so many women have done before you.  Change will not happen unless we create the spark that challenges the status quo.  It is time to journal your thoughts, take yourself on a date, ask for what you need and most importantly celebrate yourself.

Thank you to every woman I have encountered, read about in the history books, and challenged me. Thank you for testing your limits and inspiring me to do the same. I celebrate you, the ones who were here, the ones who are now and the ones who will be.

Happy National Women’s History Month!

As a parent, it’s becoming increasingly challenging to shield your kids from disturbing events that are happening in the world. Kids today have almost unlimited access to news and no longer rely on parents to be the gatekeepers of tragic events that happen in this country or abroad.

Since your kids are being exposed to tough topics (probably at an earlier age than you may like), it is helpful to know how to have discussions with them that leave them feeling safe and supported.  Here are a few steps that you can take to make sure that happens.

Prepare for the conversation

Whenever you’re talking to a child about a disturbing event, it is important for you to be informed about the topic yourself.  This helps you feel prepared to answer any questions that might come up during the discussion.  This is also a good time to prepare analogies or examples that you can use with your child that may help them better understand the situation.  You can use examples from their favorite T.V. shows or from their personal experiences.  Doing so can help them better relate and empathize with what’s going on.

See what they know

When you begin the discussion, you should first check in to see how much they know about the current event. This can be as simple as asking them directly, “What have you heard about _____?”  As they are answering, you can get a better understanding about what they know. This is important because there might be certain details that you’d rather not bring up if you don’t feel like they’re at an age to understand.

Explore feelings

Focus the conversation on how your child is being impacted by the news.  Ask them how they felt when they first heard about it, and check in to see how they are currently feeling.  Younger kids may not be able to fully understand and vocalize their thoughts and feelings.  Using tools, such as a feelings chart can be beneficial.  Sharing and defining how you’re feeling can be helpful to them as well.  For further feelings exploration, you can ask them to share examples of when they’ve felt that way before.

Identify coping skills

This is an opportunity for your child not only to express their feelings, but to also come up with healthy ways to cope.  You can ask them how they would typically cope with the feelings that they've shared with you.  You can work together to come up with new coping skills specific to the current situation.  In the following days, remind your child of the coping strategies they'd identified, and you can even take time to participate in these healthy coping skills with them.

When hearing about sad and unfortunate things happening to other people, feelings of helplessness can arise in both adults and kids.  A helpful way of coping is to come up with something you can do for those affected by the situation.  This can be something such as volunteering time, writing a note, or doing a craft together.

In closing

While you can’t always protect your child from receiving difficult news, you can help them learn to be resilient by teaching them to express their feelings and cope in a healthy way.  Throughout the process, you want your child to know that they can always depend on you as a source of encouragement and support.

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For many parents, our goals or resolutions for the new year include a list of things to do or places to visit.  However, many of us forget to add an important goal to that list - focusing on self-care.  Self-Care means taking care of many parts of yourself including physically, emotionally, psychologically, relationally, and spiritually.  It is a conscious discipline that involves changing our thinking and rejecting societal messages that we should take care of others first.

Think about what you’re often told before a flight: “Put on your oxygen mask first before taking care of your child.”  Life works the exact same way.  We hear messages that we should care for our kids first, and we tend to forget that we have needs too. Here, we will discuss why you need to be mindful of self-care as parents and explore various ways to take better care of yourself.

Definition of Self-Care

Self-care simply means “caring for self”.  I see self-care as a holistic experience that focuses on one's physical, emotional, psychological, relational and spiritual health. It is something that needs to be done on a daily basis.  Most parents only limit self-care to the weekend, when they have occasional free time, or worse - when they are experiencing burn out.  You wouldn’t ask your child to wait until the weekend to be taken care of.  Just as you take time to meet their immediate needs, it is critical to do the same for yourself.  

Why Self-Care for Parents

Many parents feel that being a good parent means focusing all their attention on their kids and leaving very little time for themselves. This has been reinforced time and time again in many cultures and through multiple generations.  When my daughter was little, my mother used to always tell me that I needed to take care of her first before focusing on my needs.  As I look back, I realize that the mentality of putting others' needs ahead of one's own has been passed down in my family.  I have since learned that for one to be an emotionally available parent, one needs to take care of themselves first and then the child.  As a child therapist, I often say, “Healthy parents make healthy kids.”  

Parents tend to forget about the importance of self-care. When you do this, you are more likely to experience burnout, and parenting can become more stressful. Self-care activities can help to recharge you and give you the energy to do all the amazing things you do for your kids on a daily basis.

Be Mindful of Social Media

Social media can be helpful for a lot of parents. It lets you connect with other parents, find resources, and exchange feedback and information. There are times when social media can become destructive.  It can distract us from family time, and many times we might find ourselves comparing our parenting to others.

The reality is that the use of extended technology can affect our neurotransmitters' functioning and ability to be fully present with children and others at home. Part of self-care includes being mindful about your relationship with technology and social media and how it impacts your well-being and your interactions with family members.

Make Self-Care Personal and Unique

Everyone has a different way of taking care of themselves. There are many places where you could find a list of self-care ideas, but it is important to make sure that the activities you choose work best for you. Every person has different self-care needs, and because our lives change over time, our self-care strategies may need to change too. You want to find self-care strategies that work best for YOU - not your sister, not your friend, but YOU. So, check within! What do YOU need right now?

Embrace Your Own Self-Care

Feeling good about yourself is an intentional and mindful practice. Today, take time to acknowledge all the things that make you feel good inside.  Make a list of ways to meet your physical, emotional, psychological, relational or spiritual needs each week.  These self-care moments can be as quick as 10 minutes a day or even longer, if you have the time.  It’s important to start investing time in yourself! YOU are so worth it.

Ideas for Self-Care

• Go for a walk
• Play with your pet
• Prepare a smoothie or tasty snack
• Talk to a supportive friend
• Schedule a massage
• Plant flowers
• Play a sport
• Exercise
• Dance
• Write in your journal
• Plan an instrument
• Create something for YOU
• Reread your favorite book
• Cuddle with your child
• Do a craft

While youth sports bring many physical and mental health benefits to children, they also can elicit worry and anxiety. Anxiety may manifest as a child who complains of a stomach ache before every Little League practice, or one who is overly self-critical of their performance on the track team. There are several approaches you can take to assist your child in working through sports-related anxiety.  

Explain that these feeling are normal

Kids who experience sports-related anxiety may feel different from or isolated from peers who express only excitement about participation in athletics. Your child may feel some initial relief knowing that anxiety is a common experience, and one that they can learn to manage. For young kids, there are some great children’s books about anxiety like Ruby Finds a Worry by Tom Percival and Wilma Jean the Worry Machine by Julia Cook. More specific to sports, Olympic medalist Laurie Hernandez authored a children’s book called She’s Got This about a young athlete who finds courage to continue her gymnastics routine after falling down.

Openness about mental health is becoming increasingly common among professional athletes. Most recently, tennis star Naomi Osaka and Olympic champion Simone Biles have withdrawn from major competitions to care for their mental health. The significance of this public acknowledgement of mental health challenges – including anxiety – cannot be underestimated. Help your child find athletes that play their chosen sports and have been open about pre-game worries and anxiety. Depending on your child’s age, you might share interviews that athletes have given to the press in which they discuss pre-game coping strategies. Youth benefit greatly from role models and may take comfort in the knowledge that their sports heroes take steps to care for their mental health.

Help them build body awareness

When children develop an understanding of what happens in their body when they worry, they become better able to gain control of their anxiety. You can help your child build body awareness using simple exercises. Ask your child about what they feel in their body when they are stressed or anxious. They may describe clenching their teeth, feeling light-headed, increased heart rate, shallow breathing, leg weakness, sweating, or other symptoms. You might say something like, “I see that you feel your worries in your belly. Let’s practice some exercises that help your belly feel better before baseball practice.”

Introduce Visualization Techniques

One skill set that can be valuable to a child who experiences anxiety prior to a sports practice or competition involves visualization. Depending on the nature of your child’s anxiety, you might help them to visualize stepping onto the playing field or imagining themselves having fun during the game. While building up visual imagery, encourage clients to imagine what each of their five senses might be experiencing (example: “I smell the grass. I hear the referee’s whistle. I see my teammates sitting on the bench”). Having a clear image of what they can expect to experience during their game or practice removes the uncertainty that fuels anxiety. This exercise is particularly helpful for kids who become most anxious on the way to their sports practice or game.

Target Relaxation Exercises

There are many benefits to learning relaxation exercises, and kids can use such exercises before, during, or after practices or games.  A very common exercise, sometimes called “Belly Breathing,” encourages one to place their hands on their stomach before taking deep breaths in and out. Often when we ask someone who is anxious to take deep breaths, it is hard for them to do so. Having a hand on the stomach allows one to feel breaths going in and out; if the breaths are deep enough, one can feel the stomach moving in and out.  Teach your child to slowly count while doing this exercise: they can count to three while inhaling, count to one while holding their breath in, and count to three again while exhaling. You may need to work with your child to find a rhythm that feels most comfortable for them. Children can learn to use this exercise whenever they feel anxiety spike, and it is important for them to practice it during calm moments to build up their comfort in using the technique.

Have uplifting conversations

You play an important role in helping children play sports in a fun and safe manner. Does your child’s anxiety spike on the car ride to practice? Keep conversations light or listen to some upbeat music on the way. Does your child tend to worry about the score of the game or focus on mistakes that they have made? Use language that highlights what your child did well, or parts of the game that the child appeared to be having fun (Example: “I think I saw you laughing on the bench while your team was batting. I’m so glad you are having fun on the baseball team”). You can set the tone for your child’s experiences in sports. If your conversations are centered around having fun, learning new skills, and teamwork, your child is less likely to become hyper focused on winning or individual mistakes.

Know when to find a sports psychologist

Some young clients, particularly adolescents, may experience sports-related performance anxiety that requires more specialized intervention. If a client is a high-performance athlete, one that has hopes to compete in the NCAA or the Olympics, a qualified sports psychologist could become a valuable part of the treatment team. Sports psychologists are trained to help athletes optimize their performance and can assist athletes in working through mental blocks. You can find a qualified sports psychologist through Division 47 of the APA (Sports and Exercise) or the Association for Applied Sports Psychology. You can also find child therapists and counselors that specialize in anxiety through the Hopscotch Provider Network.

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